When Enviroments Get You Down

I am posting this incredibly late (for me at least) because our enivorment is slowly making it a goal to kill me. This Vog (volcanic fog) has given me headaches, backache, sore throats, coughs, and more.

Sometimes your environment can be the cause of your ailing illness--however if it persists for more than a week it's good to go see a doctor. Just in case it's something more serious. I myself will be seeing my doctor soon, just in case.

What enviromental things cause your body to act out?

Why Having No Internet is Killing Me -- It' Not the Reason You Think

I currently don't have internet access in my apartment, we are waiting for the cable guy to come and set it up this Friday. We had to switch internet providers because our speed was below 1mbps. If you don't know what that means just imagine that you can watch about 3 minutes of Netflix at a time, having to restart your WiiU everytime it stopped. Argh! It was unbearable, trust me, I couldn't watch even our lectures online without having them load for a few hours. But that's all over now-we will be getting a brand new internet provider soon, and better speeds *knocks on wood*.

I just have to survive this period of no internet, and soon my hell will be over. And let me tell you, it has been hell, but not for the reason you probably think it was.

First let me say that I have been out of internet since April 7th, so that was last week. Hence why my blog last week was early (well that and the fact I wasn't feeling good at all, eh, minor). I don't have enough cellular data to last me that long to do everything I want to do (online, as I'm not a hermit) AND do homework--so I had to cut back on a lot of things I liked to do.

One of those things was something I have had with me all my life, something I hadn't really thought about having needed until last week.

My Music

I don't have any CDs anymore, or even an iPod (or at least one with regular music. Mine has Christmas Music Only). So I usually listen to my Pandora Radio--all the time. Which I'm sure my neighbors hate, sorry by the way! I listen to it when I'm walking, in the car, on the bus, in my house, sitting outside, anywhere and everywhere I can listen to my music; I do. And here's why.

My. Brain. Won't. Shut. Up.

In 2004 or 2005 I was diagnosed with ADHD or Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. If you ever have the chance to see me in a classroom you will notice I take notes like a maniac, and there's a reason for that. I have to constantly take notes or I lose focus. My music is very much the same way, it gives me a peace of mine at home. It keeps me focused on relaxing, which may be a confusing statement to hear. DON'T THINK OF A MOUSE. Are you thinking of a mouse? Most likely you are, that's a very normal reaction. Your brain instantly focuses on that mouse, you won't stop thinking of that mouse until you forget about it. 

Now imagine you brain didn't read that sentence, but that that thought came out of no where, while you were relaxing, or trying to sleep, or working. That that thought was so powerful you could no longer concentrate on what else was happening. And then a different thought comes in. And another, and another, and another. It's a constant wheel of thoughts that never stops, and you're exhausted and just wanted to relax but can't stop thinking. You're thinking of all these thoughts at the same time, and you don't know how to stop.

Music can often block out other thoughts, even just temporarily. For me, music works wonders. For others is a distraction, which is why I use headphones; I don't want to disturb others peace.

All in all I'm excited to get my internet connection back, to get my music back, and to hopefully get some relaxation this coming week!

What helps keep you focused?

Again please note I am not a doctor. If you have real concerns please see your doctor right away. If this is an emergency please call 911, or your local emergency hotline.

I'm Obviously Dying - The Waiting Game

I’m writing this now because I’m not 100% sure I will be able to do so later in the week. I’m currently playing the waiting game with my doctor, waiting for some very important test results. Ones that will determine how I spend the rest of my week, and what little the rest of this evening now holds.

I’ve been waiting for over five hours. And that’s not an exaggeration.

When you go to a hospital you very often have to wait for your test results to come back. During that time your mind begins to race, and you often wonder about all the possible outcomes your Doctor has described (many of which have slim chances, but still). And if you’re anything like me you begin to panic. And panicking during this time is never good.

Panicking leads to Googling, which leads to more Panicking, and soon a cycle of anxiety begins. You feel helpless, left in the dark, and concerned for your wellbeing. So what do you do during this time period? How do you deal with the waiting period?

Personally I have found doing homework, reading, playing video games, texting friends, literally anything other than Googling my symptoms or counting the dots on the ER wall (if I am in the ER) helpful. Once I stop doing things my mind wonders into that dark place of “what if…” and panic mode begins. This is the best thing I can suggest, and do encourage you to follow this advice is nothing else; avoid the internet. It seems fun and harmless, but the temptation to look up how you’re obviously dying is too easy. Those results won’t come any faster, and there isn’t any point in spiking your heart rate, so try to relax and avoid those thoughts.

Try reading a book, doing a puzzle, playing a mind bender, talking with friends or family, doing work if you are able, sleeping (as rest is very important if you aren’t feeling well), or even just watch some mindless t.v. Try not to focus on those test results however. They will come as fast as they are able. (:

Waiting sucks, it really does. But try to make the best of it. We had to learn it as kids while we waited for the cakes to rise in the oven, or to unwrap the presents on our birthdays, so we can certainly learn it as adults. 

Please be aware that I am NOT a medical professional, if you have any doubts about your health please seek professional medical advise. If this is an emergency call 911 or your local emergency hotline. 

Heat, Crystals, Nature, and Peace -- Holistic Medicines

I would like to start this article by stating that part of this does have to do with my personal belief system, so this may not be a technique for everyone. I respect those who don’t believe in holistic medicine practices and find other ways to deal with their pain. I personally am an advocate for finding a balance between holistic medicines and doctor visits; which has become a common practice for many people with Chronic Illnesses. That being said not all people use all types of holistic medicines, which is completely fine. This is, again, just one of many techniques I use in managing and handling my pain on a daily basis. Use what works best for you, and when in doubt ask your doctor. Many of whom are open to the idea of holistic medications if you are interested. (:

For me this type of treatment is used usually at high stress points. During finals, family crisis’s, depressive episodes, extreme back pains, etc. I use a wide variety of holistic medications depending on what my symptoms are, and what calls to me. I try to listen to my body.

Here are just a few I use:

Aromatherapy – Usually in the form of bathbombs (usually from Lush), green tea baths, or a home made almost soup like spice. When not used with water I use incense, and natural heating oils to help calms my nerves.

                Used for: Depression, Arthritis, Anxiety, Migraines, Aches, Exhaustion

Crystals – Usually used at night with a full, or near full, moon. Combined with water, aromatherapy, or binaural beats (or all) to create a calming effect. Sometimes used on top of a hot face cloth.

                Used for: Depression, Anxiety, Aches

Oils – A forms of aromatherapy and heat. Used to massage into aching skin.

                Used for: Arthritis, Aches

Meditation – Either with animals (I have an office for just this in my apartment), or out in the mountains. Used to do so floating at the beach, but I burn too easily (even with sun screen).

                Used for: Concentration, Depression, Anxiety, Exhaustion

There are many more, and frankly a quick Google search will tell you all you need to know about holistic medicines. Recently I have found them working for me, especially with finals creeping up on us and my stress levels rising.

Here’s hoping you can relax and find techniques that work for you!

Again please note I am not a doctor. If you have real concerns please see your doctor right away. If this is an emergency please call 911, or your local emergency hotline. 

Advocate for...Getting Ready in the Morning?

I never really considered myself a girly girl, I was much more the type to wake up ten minutes before I had to leave, put on sweat pants, maybe brush my hair (depending on length), brush my teeth and go. My morning routine averaged around fifteen minutes, and that was completely fine. At least until I started Accutane, which changed my morning routine permanently.

Accutane for those of you who don’t know, is a type of drug that literally sucks out all of the moisture in your skin. Its commonly used for people who suffer from severe, and often painful acne. One of the side effecs however, it that your entire body starts to shrivel up from being so dry. My famous fifteen minute morning routine wasn’t going to work for this, and neither was your standard beauty products (either because of allergies, or the fact that my skin hates products of all types). Enter Lush Cosmetics.

Lush was a store I had heard of from a couple of friends, either because they worked there, or because they were a Lush fangirl. I am now a Lush fangirl, for better or worse, depending on if you ask me or my wallet. Suddenly I was overflowing with Lush products in my bathroom, and eventually my routine changed from fifteen minutes to an hour and half process.

To give you an idea here’s my standard routine now:

Scrub Face, Chest, and Shoulders with Ocean Salt (This is only once a week)

Brush Hair (to help with shampooing and conditioning)

Brush Teeth

Use Mint Sugar Scrub for Lips

Apply Honey Lip Balm

Wash Hair with Daddy-O Shampoo

Wash Body with either Godmother Soap Bar, Prince Shower Gel, Sweetie Pie Shower Jelly, or Daddy-O

Condition Hair with either Strawberry Cream or Veganese

Dry Off

Apply Sunscreen (Sadly not a Lush Product – Just regular sunscreen here)

Apply Charity Pot Lotion

Use Lemon Cuticle Butter for Feet and Hands

Brush Hair

Get Dressed

Take various Medications

Pack Purse/Backpack (Full of on the go Lush products, Sunscreen, and Burt’s Bees Chapstick)

Leave

As you can see, this routine takes a little bit longer than brush teeth, take basic shower, brush hair, leave. However it works, and has helped my skin clear up just as much as the Accutane. My skin feels soft and smooth, and its actually helping me not experience severe dry side effects from the medication. Well, except for cracked lips of course, but that’s hard to avoid. (:

If you have the chance, just walk into their store. But be sure to bring your wallet because their products are a-ma-zing! For all you animal lovers they’re also mainly vegan, and animal cruelty free. The employees are amazingly nice, and if you ask the right questions they are more than happy to help. Of course be aware that they will try to upsell to you, but that’s their job.

Each product is different for each person depending on their skin. Ask the employees what they use, smell EVERYTHING, and test things out to find your perfect blend. Personally I recommend their Daddy-O, and lotions for any skin type. They are hands down my favorite things from there so far.  So shop away future Lushies! Clear skin to you!

P.s. Since they’re all natural products you get to feel even better about yourself as you get ready. And coming from someone with severe allergies, and pain, I highly recommend them if you are having trouble finding your morning mixture.

Note: I have not been asked to endorse Lush in anyway in this Blog. All contents and reviews are purely my own. This is just a fangirl health post.

Please be aware that I am NOT a medical professional, if you have any doubts about your health please seek professional medical advise. If this is an emergency call 911 or your local emergency hotline. 

Listen to Your Body

Knowing your body, understanding how it feels, looks, and functions are critical to your health. Especially when you’re visiting the hospital to visit a doctor every week for medication reviews, examinations, or other various health conditions. In a previous blog post we went over knowing the difference from what’s normal for your body, side effects from medications, and pains or signs that should be looked at right away. These physical and mental signs all play a crucial part in knowing your body, but there’s one other piece we didn’t go over; your gut.

Everyone has had “gut feelings”. Either that something didn’t feel right in a situation, or that someone felt off. Sometimes our gut is right, and sometimes our gut is wrong. But very often our gut allows us to take a step back from the situation at hand and question it. Questions are important, especially when it comes to our health.

I recently had a gut feeling about a new medication, something that had I listened to and questioned could have allowed me to escape a lot of pain and ER visits these past few weeks. You see, I started to see a rheumatologist for back pain that I’ve had all my life. I don’t want it to seem like I’m complaining about my back pain here though, as I know there are many people who experience much worse. However this pain does cause problems, including limiting my physical abilities. The pain has been spreading in my joints and I decided that seeing a doctor would be best. Almost immediately he diagnosed the pain as AS, a form of immune rheumatoid arthritis. Essentially it means that the immune system thinks joints (mainly the spine) don’t belong in the body and attacks them, causing pain and stiffness. With this diagnosis he prescribed a shot to be given biweekly, one I would give myself. I was nervous, my gut was screaming no.

I didn’t listen to my gut because I was so sure that it was just because of my anxiety. I agreed to take the shot. The first time I went in to pick up my Humira (the shot) my body tensed up and I wanted to run out of the office. The first time I held the actual pen itself my arm was lurching backwards and shaking. Everything in me was saying no, but I clicked the button anyway.

3 Days later I ended up in the ER with a liver cyst, extreme pain, difficulty breathing, extreme depression (which I haven’t experienced since 2007) and no explainable source of pain. The wonderful nurses and doctors at the ER did at much as they could in terms of testing to find a source of pain, however nothing could be found. Understanding that the bed was needed for others I went home. Three weeks later the pain is still present, although not as intense. It was recommended I go off the Humira, and I began to think. Should I have gotten a second opinion before I took my shot? Should I have listened to my gut?

This isn’t to say that you should completely ditch your doctors, or medications all at once just because you have a “gut feeling”. But if you are uneasy, or restless, don’t be afraid to get a second opinion. If your body is fighting you especially hard on something, or you are deeply afraid of something (even if you have anxiety), ask questions. I learned more about Humira after I took it then before I took it, it would have helped if I had asked 101 questions.

I’m thankful for this experience though, I’ve learned a lot about my own gut through this, and myself. Besides, I was able to get extra massages from my ever loving and understanding boyfriend, nothing better than that. (:

Don’t be afraid, it’s your health. Ask away, save yourself the pain and give your fears some ease with answers.

Please be aware that I am NOT a medical professional, if you have any doubts about your health please seek professional medical advise. If this is an emergency call 911 or your local emergency hotline.  

Depression and Goals

Sorry for the late post this week! I haven’t been feeling too great the past couple weeks, even been to the ER a couple times. Hopefully will feel better and be back to my old self soon though, especially with spring break coming up! Yay!

Speaking of which, spring break is the perfect time to set some goals. Goals which are really vital to a person like myself who suffers from Chronic Depression/Anxiety. If you suffer from these you know exactly what I’m talking about. If not, let me explain quickly, depression can leave you crippled to a point that you can’t do anything. You can feel helpless, alone, scared, like you’re the worst in the world. You’ll want to stop moving/doing anything, go into a dark little corner (or bathtub in my case), and cry for all eternity. That, stopping moving/doing anything, is the worst thing you can do. At that point your mind can sit and dwell on all the negative and have nothing to distract it. Setting goals, and giving yourself things to do, helps prevent some crippling breakdowns. This isn’t to say that it prevents all of them, and that sucks. I still get crippling breakdowns even with my minor goals (things like clean the counter, watch this movie, get a drink, nothing too hardcore). Sometimes goals don’t work for people, and in that case they have other strategies that work for them. That’s for another blog post entirely however. For now, goals! (:

So now that the advice section is done, this might be a good time to list a few of my own goals for the next couple weeks. Since my Grandparents are coming out, and since I’m still in chronic pain, it’ll be a nice mix of easy going and cleaning goals. Good for both my sanity and my physical body. Let’s make say, 5.

1. Clean my Office. Including things like my desk, guinea pig cage, floor, closet, and organizing all those cabinets. Been trying to do that for a long time now, haven’t gotten far. Haha.

2. Make flight, hotel, and car reservations or Kauai. Something that has to be done before Spring break even starts, since I leave at the end of that week.

3. Write three to four Medium blogs relevant to COM 320, another blog classwork assignment.

4. Clean out the fridge, also needs to be done before spring break.

5. Make Guinea Pig Vet appointments for remaining three guinea pigs. Gotta get those piggies to the vet!

Hopefully all of these can get finished before the end of March! Keep you all updated! What are some of you goals for March, since there is really only a couple weeks left now? Do you have any strategies that help you with your depression or anxiety attacks (they might be used in a future blog post, and I may try them out myself!). Sharing of ideas always encouraged here!

Please be aware that I am NOT a medical professional, if you have any doubts about your health please seek professional medical advise. If this is an emergency call 911 or your local emergency hotline. 

Side Effects or Just an Average Day?

It's fairly common knowledge that medicines have side effects, especially with movements like the vaccine movement making sure you know about them. Even if the chances of getting those side effects are one in a million, or less. With prescribed medications however there are some fairly common side effects in almost every pill, liquid, or needle. Depression/anxiety, migraines, joint pain, soreness, fatigue, dizziness, weight loss/gain,and many others. The chance of getting these side effects are far and few between as said before. Most of them being irritations rather than fatal. Only those medications labeled by the FDA as black box medications have high fatal (or near fatal) side effects/risk. Thankfully black box medications are used only as a last resort, and only by those who are in unbearable amounts of pain. 

But say you "experience" these side effects, how do you know they are just that; side effects? I experience many common side effects of medications on a daily basis, and that's without taking any medication. So being able to determine which side effects are from medications, and which are from just me can be a challenge. It can also be the determining factor between ER visits or just having a bad day. While some side effects are harmless, others show signs of serious diseases, organ failure, or other serious medical conditions that need attention ASAP. Having that baseline on a "normal" day of depression, anxiety, joint pain, migraines, and other pain in my body is extremely important for me. Especially when Doctor's press on my skin to see if I am sensitive to pain. 

Ladies even knowing what a period cramp feels like is important! I suffer from PCOS or Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, so I have very severe cramps. Knowing the distinction between a "bad cramp" and a really bad stomache pain in the same area was really important for me a couple years ago. It was important because I had appendicitis, something that can kill you if it's not looked at. Thankfully I did know what pain was normal for me and rushed to the hospital. 

People always tell you to keep a list of you medications and dosages with you, which is important. But having a pain baseline is also important is you have painful medical conditions. Especially if you are experimenting with new medications or under a lot of stress. Know you baseline, know your body, and don't be afraid to say "This isn't MY normal pain". Even if it doesn't make sense at first, stick to your guns and get your point across, Doctors and Nurses will listen to you, and they do want to help. (:

Below are some baseline questions that might help you if you are stuck in developing a baseline. Good luck, and be safe out there!

1. Does it hurt to breath? (Note: It shouldn't hurt to breath. Even if you have asthma, if your inhaler isn't working please go see a doctor. Breathing is important!)
2. Does this pain usually last this long?
3. Is the pain usually in this area?
4. Is the pain different? (i,e, Does it usually burn but is instead pulsating today?)
5. Is there a lump? Have I hit that spot recently?
6. Is my body trying to get rid of something? (i.e. vomitting, or other bodily movements)
7. Am I passing out, fatigued, or dizzy?

Please be aware that I am NOT a medical professional, if you have any doubts about your health please seek professional medical advise. If this is an emergency call 911 or your local emergency hotline. 

Why "A Modern Frankenstein"?

In high school I took a class called AP English/Literature, and in that class we read book called Frankenstein. This book very quickly became one of my favorite books for many reasons, but the most important reason was that I could relate to Frankenstein's Monster (or The Creature/It) because I very often felt the same way about myself.

A little recap for those of you who either haven't read the story yet (you should) or haven't read it in several years. Frankenstein's Monster is constantly beating himself up because of how he looks and feels, it's one of the reasons he can't fit into society. He was bits and pieces of different people and so literally looked like a monster. Eventually he even considered himself one. My family used to have a cat that was made up the same way. He looked like he was put together from the remainder of other cats. He didn't really belong. He was kind of like Frankenstein's Monster as well. Both of these factors played huge parts into what turned into an explainable metaphor for me to communicate how I was feeling to others.

So why "A Modern Frankenstein" then? I actually would have chosen a different title, but felt that people wouldn't have gotten the metaphor as well if I had. My original title was "The Creature's Daughter", but since most people still believe that Frankenstein was the monster I figured this title was better. But why either of these titles at all, why would I choose to write a blog about an old book? Funny that, we're actually never going to talk about the book again, well except for referring to me as Frankenstein's Monster. You see this is actually a medical blog, because I am Frankenstein's Monster in the sense I have so many different medical problems I may as well be put together from different people. This is a blog I have been meaning to write for a long time but never had the chance to do so, so thank you COM 201 for that! My hopes are that with following my medical journey someone, somewhere will see my blog and not feel so alone. This is a blog that is my story of communicating with doctors, communicating with peers, being a child in pain you can't explain, and eventually learning to communicate with your body. It's taken me years to get to a point in my life where I can discuss this openly as a positive thing, where I can look at Frankenstein's Monster as a positive metaphor rather than  negative one. So please don't think this is going to be some deep dark blog, it's really not. While the content is heavier the blog itself is meant to be uplifting.

Comments are always welcome! And if you know someone experiencing similar pains please share this blog with them. Like I said, the intention of this blog is to help others on their journeys while I document mine. So comment and share away! I look forward to hearing from you all. (: